Okay... there, I said it.
I'm still alive and kicking, but now with an altogether different outlook on my life, my aspirations, my real needs, and the sweet precious time I have to make it really count. To have a stroke at my age can bring it all into perspective. It occured in the occipital lobe- in the right hemisphere. Hence the blind spots I have in both eyes, just left of center.
I had carried the weight of that news quite heavily for some time. Joe was particularly helpful in reassuring me and helping me to see how I would best be able to avoid yet another stroke (which is now much more probable). However, the weight lifted significantly one day in particular. It was the Friday before Christmas, and I was affixed to a certain porcelain fixture during my process of getting ready for the work day. I was thinking about all of the ramnifications this discovery had made on my life, lifestyle and outlook.
It was then that I noticed that the roll of toilet paper was drastically low. "Was there more toilet paper in the closet?" I wondered. At that moment, I realized that the fear of needing to purchase toilet paper on one of the busiest shopping days of the year had replaced the concerns I'd been carrying for weeks. The thought of trudging into ANY retailing outlet to purchase only toilet paper seemed as uninviting as anything I could possibly ponder. My face broke into a smile, then finally I began to slightly laugh. I knew then that all would be okay.
And yes, there was plenty of paper stached back in the closet. After all, I didn't need to have a stroke about it, did I?
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You had a stroke? How scary. At the time, I too was facing my mortality. We had a record cotton season, and I ignored the fact that I am allergic to cotton lint. So I suffered from pneumonia for four weeks during the holiday.
I discovered that facing my mortality has given me great clarity in life--I am about to graduate, but I now want to work in medical research before pursuing a career in academia. And who knows...I might just keep one foot in industry and one in academia.
Anyway, Alan, I feel for you because I know what it is like to live with pain. These past two weeks I had a laser procedure in which the doc burned the pain nerves in my lower back.
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