Time for Blog Resurrection

Change has happened, and it has been a wonderful experience so far. Due to reasons concerning my current employment at the time, I did not fully disclose all the information pertaining to the new journey upon which I was about to embark. What transpired after the interview I mentioned in the previous post was like a dream coming true.

Fast forward to now... I've been in Cleveland a full week! Considering the amount of fuss involved in a transition of this sort, I haven't had the will nor the time to keep bloggers posted. My obvious lack of blog-time did not go unnoticed, as pointed-out a couple of weeks ago by blogger-pal and Facebook friend, William.

And so it begins again. Now, more than ever, I will be utilizing Blogger to keep family, friends and onlookers up to date on my whereabouts and activities. Below are videos I took during my interview visit, and soon to follow are photos from my weekend activities last weekend. As I complete this post, I will be out the door with the Canon, and off to explore NE Ohio, Lake Erie and beyond...

Cheers!

Just Keep Swimming....

It’s a motto I have taken to heart. Yes, a silly line from a movie many of us have grown to love, but it has become so much more to me. Dory, the forgetfull one, knew that no matter what you are up against, you just have to keep on swimming….

Lately, I’ve felt a bit like Dory, i.e., lacking real direction in my fitness goals and plans for the future. As you can see from my previous posts, I whole-heartedly dove into working P90X as a way to whip myself back into shape. Unfortunately, I over-exherted myself and was in no way prepared to tackle such a large goal. I became sick from not having sufficient fitness that is necessary to perform those exercises, and ultimately, lost my will to complete the program.

Through some deep inner desire, I have once again begun the process of reaching for my fitness goals. However, this time I am being more realistic in what I can achieve. Once I am able to afford the effort involved, I will take P90X on again, but not until then. When will that be able to take place? I have no idea… and therein lies the wisdom I have gained: Only take upon yourself, that which you can sufficiently perform. Neglecting this simple principle will leave you sick, injured, and even worse, lost of your fitness inspirations.

What I am doing is quite simple, and I am going to continue keeping it simple b/c I wish for it to become a habit I keep for life. One hour each day, I only walk. The other 23 hours of my day are spent watching what I eat and getting the rest my body needs. Doing this simple regiment will enable me to take on more activity as my body slims and tones. Several years of inactivity cannot be reversed in 90 days. It is unrealistic.

When I have lost the weight I deem necessary, I will see where I stand physically then make the necessary steps to increase my activity level. One day, I will own a P90X body. It is a promise I have made to myself, and I will not stop my progress towards that.

Job Hunting Season is Now Open

The dental field has lost it's magic with me. I'm sick of self-centered dentists and their selfish, backstabbing staff members. There is only one solution:

Look for another job.

Yes, that time has come. After being involved in this field for a number of years (I was first introduced into it in 1990), I am ready to move on... do something different.

I've already begun a few online job applications, in hopes of catching a real sweet new job. I realize, too, that times are tough out there for many, so competition may be stiff. Regardless, all I can do is put my best face on and show it to as many potential employers as I can. Surely, something will come along....

Where Can I Find?

Yes, I know it's an English staple, but I'd love to know if anyone knows where I could find HP. It's very similar to A1, but with a tarter bite, and not as thick. It's wonderful on eggs, and with getting ready for my new fitness minded lifestyle, I will be eating plenty of egg-white omlettes. Please give a shout-out if you know!

I've Made a New Committment

Ever heard of P90X? It's a series of fitness dvd's sold on late night informercial-vision. A new friend and I are going to be whipping ourselves into shape each day at my new gym, 3rdDegreeFitness. It claims to be able to transform your body in 90 days... although I think I may need to do it twice... I've never been so out of shape in my life, and I am ready for the changes to come!!!!

My new workout buddy is a trainer at this gym, and I have been following his fitness and weight loss battles on youtube for some time. At first, I didn't realize that he lived in Hot Springs, but it is such a small world sometimes, isn't it?? Anyhow, I've been doing my own battle with the bulge, as many of you who know me already know. My biggest mistake this year though, was taking on too many other obligations, and the gym somehow slid into bottom priority. By slacking off my gym time, I was able to re-gain nearly 20 lbs. that I had lost... and I did it in only the length of 16 weeks, or i.e., one Fall Semester. I'm not dissapointed, I just now realize that the committment I make to fitness and overall health must be a daily consideration, just like eating or sleeping, or I will die a very premature death. I don't want to die young. I refuse.

Luck would have it that my new friend and I would finally meet face to face yesterday, and upon discovering that we're to turn 40 years old within a month of each other, we have made a pact to celebrate our 40th Birthdays in the best shape of our lives. I am so, so, SO very excited about this! You know how when something is so exciting to you that you cannot sleep? THAT is how excited I was about this. (Which today, makes Alan a sloppy, dragging, tired fool.)

I am making certain preparations for the journey today, even though I feel like crap-o-la. I am getting the kitchen and pantry ready for a make-over as well. I know I will need to free up space in the pantry and fridge and freezer, for the new bounty of healthy foods I will now be keeping on hand. I am also rearranging the cupboards as best I can, and any other way possible to help me help myself in the kitchen.

And as tired as I still am from a severe deprivation of sleep.... I am still SO very excited. Tomorrow will be the day it begins.

Donate

My friends at Wikipedia are a fascinating bunch. I just took the time to make a donation to show my appreciation for their hard work.

Where else in the world wide web can one search for information without the pesky ads and pop-ups? I can spend hours (and have) looking at anything and/or nothing specific, just to expand my knowledge. Of course, I was one child that read the dictionary and encyclopedia... for fun. Does that label me as a nerd?

Here's a link to donate. Do it!!!

Finished

By taking the Comprehensive Final in Accounting last evening, I am done with school for one whole month. I am proud of myself enough to post my grade chart! I hope it's large enough to see... The Green columns are my grades, the Blue represent the class average.


Click to embiggen:

Prior to my exam, I did the necessary calculations to know how well I would need to perform in order to maintain my A grade, and it turned out that by working so hard throughout the semester, I needed only make a 63% on my final. Had I totally bombed or skipped-out, my class grade would have suffered a drop to an 85%... or mid-B. So, I was in no way stressed about my test performance. After handing in my exam last night, my instructor graciously graded it, and I discovered I exceeded my expectations. 98%! When I arrived at home, I called my parents to congratulate them, in that their son is - for the first time ever - a straight A college student.

My Goodness!

I had not realized it has been over one month since my last post. Blame it on schoolwork. My last final will be Thursday (tomorrow). And after doing the necessary calculations with my grade, I've established that if I totally bomb that comprehensive final, I will still squeak-by with a strong "B"...! That was very comforting to discover, I might add. And in order to maintain my "A" average in Accounting, I need only score a 63%.

I have completed all my course work for Business Law this week, too. Our instructor, who just happens to be one of our esteemed Circuit_Judges, dismissed us after Monday evening's session, and not without letting us peek at our course grade. When he began class that evening, he immediately scaled-out the entire body of scores in bell curve fasion on the blackboard, from highest to lowest, and then drew dividing lines, so as to separate the scores into groups. Of course, this was to show the different grading divisions. Five students recieved A's, around 12 B's, then fewer C's, etc... I knew that I did not have the highest score in the class. I was really just hoping for the #4 or #5 spot! But to my surprise, I clearly saw that I was #3!!!!

Thanks Judge!

"Things are getting really bad here"

were Thomas' exact words when I spoke with them this morning. As Hurrican Ike was approaching, they had decided they would stay nearer their home in Houston, so that a trip back home would not be so complicated and exhaustive. Those were the best of intentions, yet none of us had any idea the area would be so devastated. I have been reading that the mayor of Galveston has now barricaded the bridge leading into town (I-45), has said that anyone still there needs to leave and that residents that fled cannot return. The situation is becoming more dangerous with each passing day.

Upon our urging and reassuring, Thomas and Marieke are on there way up here today. From here, they can better manage their personal affairs and eventually begin the process of getting their life back into order.

It may take weeks for issues in Galveston to be resolved and the city reopened. From articles I've read, all of the infrastructure is gone, and now health and disease issues are plaguing those that stayed behind. Reports range from that of cemeteries that have had their tombs disinterred by the flood waters with the mangled mess of old coffins and dead bodies and other debris washed against fences and buildings, to accounts of rescuers finding people with hundreds of mosquito bites, dead pets and sea-life littering the whole town, and cattle and horses now aimlessly wandering about that had escaped the flooded western end of the island that has no sea wall.

The Houston-Galveston media is apparently shielding this information from residents so as to prevent panic, and I can understand why. However, I do think they should at least be willing to reveal to Galveston residents that it will be quite some time before they let them go back home, and even longer before life can return to normal.

Yes Thomas, things are really bad down there. You have no idea how bad.

So, perhaps we may have house guests for quite some time. Joe and I look forward to being able to help these two special people get their life back in order... however long it may take.

School Days Are Here Again

My re-education has been jumpstarted. Last Thursday evening was my first back in school in several years.

Q: How does it feel to be the oldest student in the classroom?

A: It feels great!

At least the instructor has a good 10+ years on me. And, lucky for everyone in that class, our instructor is energetic, funny and engaging... and this is Accounting? Okay, one class can be checked-off as enjoyable. The true test will be whether or not my Business Law class will be just as pleasant. I have no fear that I will be interested in the subject matter, it is the instructor that I have my doubts about. He's a judge. A judge that I have stood before years ago. About 6 years ago, and in fact just happens to be the judge that ruled in both my separation and divorce hearings.

Ahh, life in a small town... Do not worry, I will in no way intentionally remind him of how we last met. I wonder if in his absence, my ex-father-in-law will substitute for him? They are very good friends, and, well... oh, just forget it.

My pursuit of a college degree has been a multiple launch effort. My last attempt, ten years ago, while hoping to someday be admitted to dental or medical school. Just days after beginning that term, I (we) discovered that a third child was on the way. (Somehow I still think that was intended as sabotage on her part... but I think that is a possibility with all three pregnancies.) And so, even though I finished that semester with a 4.00, I never attempted to reach for my goals again. Until now, that is.

In no uncertain terms, my life partner has been nothing but encouraging about this new pursuit. I had toyed with the idea of going to culinary school in Little Rock, and even though I know I would enjoy the subject matter immensely, I realize that the job security in that field is not as solid as I would like.

Upon being visited by our friend Jerry from El Dorado, Arkansas, I discovered that a degree program in his occupation, and one which I had been interest in as a much younger person was now being offered at the University of Arkansas campus in Hope. Prior to that program, one would have had to attend a school out of state with the closest being in Dallas.

The degree program is in Mortuary Science.

Sick

First, it was Joe. He called on Monday afternoon asking if I knew where he might could find a copy of his proof of insurance for his car. He had been rear-ended on Central Avenue, and could not find a copy in his car. Since he was on-duty, and to make sure any injuries were to be covered by workman's comp, he would have to go to the doctor for blood work and exam. While there, the Doctor diagnosed him with bronchitis.

By the time he got home, he could not speak and was delirious with sickness. On top of it all, he was sore from the auto incident, too. The bag of prescriptions that I fetched for him raised pharmacy staff eyebrows significantly, as it not only included narcotic cough medicine, but also vicodin and muscle relaxers for his muscles.

Needless to say, within an hour of arriving back at home with his meds... he was toasted.

Luckily for Joe, he was able to call-in sick for two days and was able to rest and heal. I, on the other hand, became ill the next day, and could not take off work at all. Apparently, the person that stands in for me when I am ill or on vacation was already filling-in for staff in our North Little Rock lab. In other words... I was shit out of luck.

"Just go home as soon as you get all your work done" says my boss. Seemed simple enough, but after having already gone to the doctor yesterday morning prior to work, my meds had kicked-in too... and I was doing good to complete my work at all without grinding off my fingertips with the dental drill.

So, yesterday I got to leave a whopping 5 minutes earlier than usual. Today was a bit better though. I got to leave much earlier. Much, much earlier! 2:00!!!!

Gee whiz, maybe I'm just pissy b/c I'm sick... or maybe I just want a new job.

I'm thinking it's both.

Not Today, Please.

To see the positive side of a difficult situation is a quality I've been able to put into practice on most occasions. It is not a difficult task to bear a majority of the time, but I am only human, and today has proven to be a day in which I am not up to carrying the burden. I'm tired, and I reserve the right on this day, to roll around in my own self-pity. I don't allow myself to do such on most occasions, but today, yes. Poor, poor me.


No calls on the phone
No cards in the mail
No glimpses of my kids
No sticky melted ice cream kisses...
No Happy Father's Day wishes.


Just bear with me and I will get over this. I've had to deal with so much more. I just hope they know how much I love them...
And when they're grown, I hope they will want to still know me.

*******************************

Well, I did finally receive that all important call. And even though it came at 9:30pm, it changed my mood tremendously. It was so nice to hear those sweet little voices.

Something Has Clicked

Several years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I was a very slim and svelte young man. A young dad, two jobs, college classes at night, and yet I still had enough energy to arise every morning at 4:30 to exercise. When I was my slimmest, I averaged a weekly total of 30 jogged miles, and as many or more walked or hiked. I remember the endorphin rush each and every day, and the high would last me long enough to do everything I set my sights upon.

Me: 1998

Age: 28

Height: 6'2"

Chest/waist: 50/34

Weight: 220

Hair: Yes

Well, life situations changed (life actually became a living hell), and my "hot young daddy" body fell into disrepair. Fast forward a few more years, and I was basically living off of a diet that consisted heavily of vodka & mtn. dew, and lots of other 'junk'. I had experienced a very nasty divorce, which in actuality was not as bad as the 7 year marriage that preceded it. The quality of my life had become over-run with obstacles that I could no longer maneuver. Finances were spiraling out of control, job security waxed and waned with the moon, and in all my good judgement, I had decided that I would now finally come out of the closet. Little did I know that some of the biggest challenges of my life wre yet to come, despite feeling like finally living true to self would set me upon a road to happiness.

My life was upside down, and my health was taking a very serious turn for the worse. It was Easter of 2003 when I got my real wake-up call, and it was this photo taken of me with my sisters:

In four short years, the person who looked back at me in the mirror was a complete stranger. Seventy pounds can squash just about any person's will. Problem was... my will had already been through so much, that I simply didn't have the energy to do anything about it. All I could think of was the fact that not too long ago, I had been near single digit bodyfat percentage... without worrying a thing about what I ate! But the bigger kicker was how embarrased I was about myself at a time when I was very vulnerable, and still learning the ropes of this new gay world.

Looking back at all of it now, I feel I have come full circle. I joined a gym this spring and have been enjoying it tremendously. I haven't quite been able to completely quit smoking yet, but I do now watch what I eat, and do not really drink that much anymore. As of this week, I finally am beginning to feel like I did many years ago. I again, arise before 5 am, and make my way to the gym. I love every moment of it. In fact, I'm heading there now. All this week, I've gone back for seconds in the afternoons. I am trying as hard as I can, as hard as I am able, to find that "hot daddy" body again. I know I'll find him. In fact this time, he will be even better than he was before.

Damn, this has been one long-as-hell road to get to this point, and I feel as if I've paid my share of dues along the way. But I'm glad I am here again. I don't quite have as much work ahead of me as I did in the fat picture, but I know I can do it again. I had doubted it for so long.

I love my life again.

Look at what I've cooked up now.

I have lately called into question the level of satisfaction I enjoy with my current job. It now seems that I yearn for something new and different with increasing intensity each passing day. I must say that I do indeed have an 'easy' job and get compensated well, etc. But I know I need a change. I have worked in the dental field for over 10 years now. I'm sick of whiny patients. I'm sick of the drama that ensues in each and every dentist office I have dealings with. Most of all, I'm sick of dentists. I do enjoy working with a few, but for the most part, they tend to make my stomach turn and my head ache.

While wandering around on the internet one day (at work), I came across a particular specialty school that is new to Arkansas. Years earlier, I had often thought of entering such a program while I lived in Memphis, but it was during a turbulent time in my life and I had neither the funds nor the support of my parents in attempting such an endeavor. I have come into a chapter in my life though, that will enable me to pursue this once lost dream, and do so with enthusiasm and energy. I have Joe's blessing too, and with that, I know that it will be an exciting new change.

The program into which I will enroll at some point in the future, is Culinary Arts, now offered by Pulaski Tech in Little Rock. I will also enroll in classes to better educate me on the finer points of running my own business, as I will plan on working for myself eventually. Perhaps a couple of years of experience in a big commercial kitchen, such as The Arlington or The Embassy Suites hotels will be helpful, but my goal is to work for myself as soon as possible. The idea I've had of a business model does not include a restaurant, per se, but rather a retail shop that will have deli-like offerings for lunch, a cold case, gourmet items, kitchen and party accessories, with the heart of it all centered upon a catering business.

I've even thought of the name I want to use for the store...!

It Was A Stroke

Okay... there, I said it.

I'm still alive and kicking, but now with an altogether different outlook on my life, my aspirations, my real needs, and the sweet precious time I have to make it really count. To have a stroke at my age can bring it all into perspective. It occured in the occipital lobe- in the right hemisphere. Hence the blind spots I have in both eyes, just left of center.

I had carried the weight of that news quite heavily for some time. Joe was particularly helpful in reassuring me and helping me to see how I would best be able to avoid yet another stroke (which is now much more probable). However, the weight lifted significantly one day in particular. It was the Friday before Christmas, and I was affixed to a certain porcelain fixture during my process of getting ready for the work day. I was thinking about all of the ramnifications this discovery had made on my life, lifestyle and outlook.

It was then that I noticed that the roll of toilet paper was drastically low. "Was there more toilet paper in the closet?" I wondered. At that moment, I realized that the fear of needing to purchase toilet paper on one of the busiest shopping days of the year had replaced the concerns I'd been carrying for weeks. The thought of trudging into ANY retailing outlet to purchase only toilet paper seemed as uninviting as anything I could possibly ponder. My face broke into a smile, then finally I began to slightly laugh. I knew then that all would be okay.

And yes, there was plenty of paper stached back in the closet. After all, I didn't need to have a stroke about it, did I?

Potato, Tomato, Red Meat & Wheat

Try to eliminate those items from your diet & just see how difficult it would be. Yet, that is what my new book, "Eat Right for Your Blood Type" tells me I should avoid. Believe me it is difficult, and there are many, many more it suggests I should avoid, but I thought that if I can avoid these four as much as possible then I'll be doing pretty well.

I'm type "A". The natural vegetarian. I'm not surprised with that at all. I'll do my best to follow the book's suggestions, then perhaps I'll see an upgrade in my general well-being. If that does happen, then I'll be much more diligent about eliminating/introducing different foods into my daily diet.

So much for chili and spaghetti, huh?

Diagnosis Pending

Today may be the first steps in understanding many of the physical problems I've been forced to deal with over the past several years. I had thought that the stresses my life had been presented in that time was the main contributor to why I always felt terrible. But now, my life is quite different. The major stresses I once experienced in daily life are no longer present. As I told my doctor... "my life has never been better". The professional, relationship, financial, and social components of my life are all in sync and have harmonized so that I live quite an easy, happy, and fulfilling existence. But in contrast to that harmony, I am always in pain. It is much worse at times (such as now), and I'm smart enough to realize the the pattern has been cyclical. In addition to the pain, I also experience a bit of confusion (I've always been a neat-freak, and that bothers me to no end to not be able to organize as well as I once did), numbness in various parts of my arms and legs, episodes of itching that can bring me to tears (without any evidence of rash or redness), and also an annoying blind spot in my field of vision that has been present since August of last year.

I was so frustrated in not being heard by my previous physician that I sought-out a practitioner that would be more in tune with me and the problems I presented. The problem I wanted addressed first was my sleep apnea, and I now have that problem under control. But when I presented all of my symptoms to him yesterday, his response was... "You definately have my attention!" Then he asked "Why didn't you tell me about everything earlier?" It was then that I just started to cry. "Because I feel so bad, I didn't know what I had said and what I had not..."

Today, I will have an MRI. Maybe now I will start getting some answers. Feeling so bad maybe won't be as difficult to deal with if I am able to know what is causing it.

_______________________________

Update:
I am very displeased with my doctor's lack of follow-up. Apparently, the MRI was only indicative of impacted sinuses, which I have no doubts I would have. But I know that cannot be the only cause of everything else I deal with on a daily basis.

I now have an appointment with a Neuro-Opthamologist at UAMS. In fact, he's the director of Neuro-Opthamology at the Jones Eye Institute. Dr. Joseph Chacko. Perhaps he will be able to determine why I have two permanent blind spots in my vision, one in each eye, and also at precisely the same area of visual field. Homonymous Quadrantanopsia. And if he's able to determine what caused that, then perhaps he will see more of what is going on with me. All the symptoms are classic Multiple Sclerosis indicators. I hope not, but at least with a real diagnosis, I could begin treatment and maybe even resume what mimics a normal life. Even if it is MS.

Content

Do you ever have days where you feel as if your inner-world is perfect? Despite the cold and grey day outside, and despite the terrible back pain I'm having, I am perfectly content with my life. Sure, there are changes I would love to make (my career, proximity to my kids, etc.), but I realize change will only come about when I am ready.

No path we choose to journey is ever perfect, nor does it promise to bring us all we want in life. All along the way are obstacles we must traverse. Whether we make that journey with optimism or with disdain is largely a decision we make each day. Today, I've made my choice.

Disclaimer:
I do give myself permission to not feel this way tomorrow.

I Walk This Street

twice a day. Once before work, once in the evening. From home to the Majestic and back is 2.5 miles.

And lately, I've even taken on the Mountain Tower road in the evenings as well, getting in around 10 miles a day.

It IS on it's way Rick, I promise...

I've had the priveledge of meeting (via internet) a good comrade. His name's Rick, and he and I share a similar personal history, with Mark Bingham having a pivotal influence on both of us.

I had asked Rick if he cared if I shared with everyone, a photograph of himself with Mark's mother, Alice Hoglan, along with an interesting and inspiring blog entry. He obliged, being the good natured guy I believe him to be, and I thank him for that.

Just know I will eventually stop rewriting the darned thing and get it posted... someday.